Tuesday, January 03, 2006
My Ambition to be Famous
Part 1 - Mathematics and Malthus to the Rescue
Here’s my problem.
I’ve always wanted to be famous, but I just don’t know how to go about it. Lacking any special skills or talents, I’m faced with either having to be extraordinarily hard working(Not likely), or committing some unspeakable act. (Did I mention that I lack courage too?) I’ve got to come up with some approach which doesn’t require too much work.
Today I stumbled on the answer.
Malthus became famous when he predicted that human population growth would outstrip the food supply and lead to worldwide famine. He neglected to calculate for us exactly what the ideal worldwide population size should be. Here was my chance!
I carefully calculated the optimum number, and lucky you, you’re the first with whom I’m going to share this vital information.
The ideal world population number is 100,007. (The seven is for my immediate family. I don’t care how you divvy up the rest.)
Just think! With such a small population, everyone will be precious to everyone else. There will be abundant resources for all without straining the ecology. The earth will have time to heal.
Henceforth this will be known as Shinberg’s Law - to take its place next to Ohms Law , the laws of gravity, and a few others. I support the proof of Shinberg’s Law with unassailable mathematics:
100,000 + 7 = 100,007
Now who can argue with that?
I’ll just post my revelation on the Internet and wait to be engulfed by FAME.
Part 2 - Preparation for Fame
I always like to get an early start, so I’ve begun writing my acceptance speech for my Nobel Prize. Naturally I’ll strike exactly the right note of gratitude and graciousness. You, who know me so well, can be confident that my consummate modesty will carry the day.
I’ve also begun preparing for the trappings of fame; the limo rides to dinners in my honor, where I’ll make short speeches and collect outrageous fees, the honorary degrees, the hoards of women falling at my feet, the children staring at me in awe and struggling to gain my autograph - all these will I receive with my usual charming aplomb and insouciance.
Thus are the burdens of FAME.
Here’s my problem.
I’ve always wanted to be famous, but I just don’t know how to go about it. Lacking any special skills or talents, I’m faced with either having to be extraordinarily hard working(Not likely), or committing some unspeakable act. (Did I mention that I lack courage too?) I’ve got to come up with some approach which doesn’t require too much work.
Today I stumbled on the answer.
Malthus became famous when he predicted that human population growth would outstrip the food supply and lead to worldwide famine. He neglected to calculate for us exactly what the ideal worldwide population size should be. Here was my chance!
I carefully calculated the optimum number, and lucky you, you’re the first with whom I’m going to share this vital information.
The ideal world population number is 100,007. (The seven is for my immediate family. I don’t care how you divvy up the rest.)
Just think! With such a small population, everyone will be precious to everyone else. There will be abundant resources for all without straining the ecology. The earth will have time to heal.
Henceforth this will be known as Shinberg’s Law - to take its place next to Ohms Law , the laws of gravity, and a few others. I support the proof of Shinberg’s Law with unassailable mathematics:
100,000 + 7 = 100,007
Now who can argue with that?
I’ll just post my revelation on the Internet and wait to be engulfed by FAME.
Part 2 - Preparation for Fame
I always like to get an early start, so I’ve begun writing my acceptance speech for my Nobel Prize. Naturally I’ll strike exactly the right note of gratitude and graciousness. You, who know me so well, can be confident that my consummate modesty will carry the day.
I’ve also begun preparing for the trappings of fame; the limo rides to dinners in my honor, where I’ll make short speeches and collect outrageous fees, the honorary degrees, the hoards of women falling at my feet, the children staring at me in awe and struggling to gain my autograph - all these will I receive with my usual charming aplomb and insouciance.
Thus are the burdens of FAME.
