Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Generational Differences
"These new data shatter all that we've believed and taught these many years," complained Dr.Evans, the world renowned geneticist. "It proves Lamarck was right after all."
"Like really. I totally don't understand, " responded Emily, his unpaid intern.
Dr. Evens puffed himself into his most pompous posture and began to explain. "We've found that for three generations now the length of infant thumbs has been rapidly increasing. The thumb has now become half again as long as the middle finger. This phenomenon is seen most vividly in wealthy industrialized nations whose children first had the opportunity to operate thumb-based hand-held computer game controllers. Apparently the near constant manipulation of that digit caused the thumb to become longer and stronger than in past generations, and somehow this finds it's way into the DNA and is inherited."
"Totally awesome!" enthused Emily. "Like really weird."
Dr Evans continued," We now find that the magnitude of increase is directly proportional to the amount of time spent on computer game consoles.
Emily's eyes opened wide. "I mean have there been like enough peer reviews?"
"The results are coming in right now. All seem to confirm the initial results."
"Totally awesome! Like I can like add some anecdotal data."
"Let's hear it," agreed Dr. Evans.
"Well," began Emily. "When my boyfriend Henry and I are like alone on the couch we don't totally even watch the TV. He's like into porn games on his game-boy. He doesn't pay like any attention to me at all."
Dr Evans was confused. "What do you do while he's playing?"
"Oh, like I'm on my cell with my girlfriends."
"Now I understand," thought Dr. Evans, "why the birthrates are falling."
"Like really. I totally don't understand, " responded Emily, his unpaid intern.
Dr. Evens puffed himself into his most pompous posture and began to explain. "We've found that for three generations now the length of infant thumbs has been rapidly increasing. The thumb has now become half again as long as the middle finger. This phenomenon is seen most vividly in wealthy industrialized nations whose children first had the opportunity to operate thumb-based hand-held computer game controllers. Apparently the near constant manipulation of that digit caused the thumb to become longer and stronger than in past generations, and somehow this finds it's way into the DNA and is inherited."
"Totally awesome!" enthused Emily. "Like really weird."
Dr Evans continued," We now find that the magnitude of increase is directly proportional to the amount of time spent on computer game consoles.
Emily's eyes opened wide. "I mean have there been like enough peer reviews?"
"The results are coming in right now. All seem to confirm the initial results."
"Totally awesome! Like I can like add some anecdotal data."
"Let's hear it," agreed Dr. Evans.
"Well," began Emily. "When my boyfriend Henry and I are like alone on the couch we don't totally even watch the TV. He's like into porn games on his game-boy. He doesn't pay like any attention to me at all."
Dr Evans was confused. "What do you do while he's playing?"
"Oh, like I'm on my cell with my girlfriends."
"Now I understand," thought Dr. Evans, "why the birthrates are falling."
