Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Age Aging Aged
To begin with, they want to eliminate the word "elderly." Do you perceive the danger here? Once you eliminate the word it's just a slippery slope down to eliminating the "elderly" themselves. (This would be a novel way of solving the Social Security problem.)
The guide goes on to suggest that an acceptable substitution might be "older adult" or "man" or "woman", with the age, if relevant. How do you like that, ladies? Your most cherished secret revealed just because you're -um- "elderly?"
The terms "senior citizen" and "golden years" are also to be expunged. The Center points out the persons under fifty are not referred to as "junior citizens." Why not? It sounds good to me!
My only quarrel with "golden years" is its ambiguity. For me, the term brings to mind the many hours I've spent in the dentist chair being laden with inlays and crowns.
Many other terms are also on their hit list. To be avoided are "feisty," "spry," "feeble," "eccentric," "senile" and "grandmotherly." I agree. I certainly would take umbrage at being called "grandmotherly."
Other terms are also condemned. Included are "biddy," "codger," "coot," "crone," "fogy," "fossil," "geezer," "hag," "old fart," "old goat," "prune," "senile old fool" and "vegetable." The guide is silent on "veggie."
The word that poses the greatest problem for the Center appears to be "home." This is another ambiguous word. It can refer to your personal and private abode or it can mean a nursing facility - an "old folks home." Its nice to note that they're undecided here but not reassuring to know that they're considering taking "home" away from us.
I write this report to you in the spirit of a benefactor for the - oh you know - with the certain knowledge that I add a measure of serenity to the moil and toil of you daily lives. In my self-appointed position as Guardian of All Things Senior I continue to root out the many threats to our somnambulant well being.
Sleep soundly. Bob is on the job.
